The Dao of Driving

 I would like to take a moment today to introduce a philosophy that I call, the Dao of driving.

For so many, driving can be a trying experience wrought with distress. I have never felt this way about driving. My car has always been my safe space. When I was in high school I had a room at my parent's house. I was allowed to put pictures on the walls, arrange the furniture how I wanted, and even blast my music as long as it wasn't too late. My room was a sacred space of expression and individuality growing up. But still, there was always a part of me that knew that my room only existed as a part of a whole called a house, and that the house belonged to my parents.

In contrast, my car was mine. Despite the fact that my parents payed for the damn thing, I was on the registration. My car, to this day, is very high on my list of safe places (you know, the one's you think about when you're trying to bring yourself back from an episode of anxiety).

My first car was a 1994 BMW 530i. It was a maroon station wagon that drove like a really fast boat because the suspension was completely shot. I would bob up and down over the slightest bumps in the road, playing music out of the front left speaker (the only one that wasn't completely blown out.) Eventually the CD player stopped working and I was left with KUSC's classical music station. The car was about knee deep in petrified fast food – french fries of yesteryear spilling out from beneath the seats – and it constantly smelled like stale smoke. Every inch of the dashboard was littered with tobacco. Bits of rolling paper stuck amongst the little green flecks speckling the entire car.

This may sound like a comical scene, a car stuffed full of teenagers leaking smoke like a Snoop Dogg music video rolling through the suburbs, but to me it spelled comfort. When I was at a party and anxiety would start to set in (I've always done somewhat poorly in superficial social situations) I would retreat to my car, turn the keys half-way in the ignition, and tune in to 91.5FM in the hope that Chopin or Debussy would come on and that my heart would stop beating its way out of my chest.

What does all that have to do with Dao you ask? Let me tell you.

So, the point is that I have always loved driving. I can't explain why, but I don't even mind being stuck in traffic, or running out of gas.

A couple years ago, I tried driving full time for Uber (don't do it, it's not worth it) and I got to do a lot of contemplation on my ten hour shifts into the wee hours of the morning. It was around this time that I came up with my three concepts of the Dao of driving. These concepts developed as logical answers to three questions that had always been floating around my head while I was in the car.

Where are all these people going?

Are we there yet?

How can I speed this up?

First off, just where the heck are all these people going anyway?

We are all going the same place. I have aptly named it, there. This was a vital realization for me. I had always thought that everyone was going different directions, on separate journeys, to separate locations. Driving 40 to 60 hours a week however, proved otherwise to me.

Much like how the Greek words chronos and kairos delineate between a tangible, concrete timeline of events and the supreme moment in which everything occurs, there is all of our destinations. I believe that there is a platonic form of sorts floating out there that is the holy mother of all destinations and that it is inclusive of all of our individual loci.

How do we get there? Onward of course. Perhaps even forward – never straight. It's a lot like life actually, the road that is. We are all scurrying about, vying for the “bestest” position on the flow of traffic so that we can get there just a little sooner. In our great hurry, we miss the main course which is the journey, not the destination. Often I will be so busy asking myself “are we there yet?” that I will forget that there is a wondrous here for me to be enjoying.

So, are we there yet?

To this, my answer is that we will get there, when we get there.

Accepting this has been a vital step in coming to terms with road closures, DUI checkpoints, and massive accidents (you see a lot of those at 3AM.) Understanding that we are all going there, and that we will all get there was the first time I had come to a realization of a unification of all of the cars into one unified flow.

Flow is defined as a steady and continuous stream. Traffic is a flow, and we are at its mercy entirely. When I find myself stopped for an hour while blood is cleaned off of the asphalt miles down the road from me, it is not that I am no longer moving towards there. Rather, only that my journey there is no longer being measured by the distance my car has traveled, but but by how far the police are from clearing away the pile-up blocking the freeway.

This again mirrors life outside of my car. I spent the better part of my teenage years both literally and figuratively standing still. Standing still in my education, my career development, my willingness to accept responsibility, and even in my desire to grow into a decent human being. But in hindsight, what appeared to be stasis was actually the impetus for a metamorphosis.

Many of the most stable and static objects have secret agendas and bigger plans. Eggs eventually hatch. Seeds eventually grow. Cocoons eventually pop open and reveal winged animals baring almost no resemblance to the larvae that submerged into them. The traffic jam seems like the thing that is holding up my life when it's happening, but in hindsight it was my path, not my obstacle.

Life is a flow, and the flow is completely cyclical. Just like how traffic comes twice a day for the morning and afternoon rushes (or all day if you live in LA) life has seasons of hurry and seasons of leisure. The times that things seem the darkest is right before the light comes – the times that things seem the most stuck is right before things start moving again; then I realize that in some way, things had been moving the whole time.

So, the last question.

How can I speed this up?

To this, I have found myself responding with another question... why?

If I find that I want to move faster so that I can get there faster... well I need to chickity check myself before I wreck myself. Was I not listening to any of that crap I just spouted off? Is the journey not really more important than the destination? I can't live a life contingent upon results anymore; I've tried it. It's an uphill battle. Today I try to live a life based on actions, indifferent to the results.

Now, on the flipside, if I want to drive fast because I enjoy driving fast and could care less about getting there sooner, well there's nothing wrong with that. As my friend Felix used to say, “Drive fast, take a lot of chances, and don't look back!”

And that, my friends, is the Dao of driving.  

Never Again Orlando

I am writing this as the dust still settles after the Orlando shootings.

My heart aches for Orlando. The loss is unfathomable for me and I have found myself in and out of tearing up and feeling overwhelmed since I heard what had happened. I have no words to tell of the emptiness I feel – so I will not attempt to put words to it. What happened was wrong. It was hateful. It was evil. Most of all though, it never has to happen again.

Emptiness is probably the closest word I can find to how I have been feeling. I find myself staring at walls, or driving with no music; emotions passing through my vapid psyche like black clouds through gray skies. I have no eloquent response for this grief. I will extend no sympathies because I do not know how I could possibly say “I know how you feel” to a family grieving the loss of a dear child to such a senseless and thoughtless crime. I do not know how you feel. I know no loss like this. I have no pain to compare to this. I only feel my own grief over the crime against life and consciousness itself. I feel it in my bones.

For me to say that what happened in Orlando is wrong is an understatement. It goes against everything that I believe a modern society must stand for. We must stand in solidarity with all of our brothers and sisters. We must love and accept people from all walks of life. We must not kill each other. These are simple contingencies for a modern life, but they all too often go unheeded. This vicious crime goes against humanity to such a degree that it almost takes the breath right out of me. But more than air, I think it leaves me gasping for reasons. Why? What now?

This takes me to my next point – this is an act of pure hatred. I have seen much arguing about whether this is a hate-crime, a mass-shooting, or an act of terrorism. I believe that in our never-ending desire to label and classify everything to be better understood and more neatly filed we are actually missing the point. 50 people went out to have a fun night with their friends and never made it home. A mother was jolted out of bed by a text message from her son – holed up in the bathroom at Pulse – at 2:08AM that read “I'm gonna die.”50 people lie dead after an act of senseless hatred. Arguing over the classification of the kind of attack only serves to distract us from taking the next indicated step – a step towards solidarity – a step towards peace.

The camp talking about how this is a hate-crime want to place the blame for this attack on America's homophobia. This is a real, and pressing issue in America. Members of the LGBTQ community have lived their whole lives persecuted, mocked, protested, and even in varying degrees of illegality. Imagine if you grew up your whole life knowing that you were not allowed to marry the man of your dreams? I cannot even begin to comprehend how heartbreaking that must feel. Imagine if every time you kissed your boyfriend in public you ran the risk of someone shouting slurs at you, or a mother telling their child to “look away”.

The group that want to refer to this incident as a mass-shooting have one clear agenda: gun control. I think that it goes without saying that America's second amendment has long been overdue for reconsideration. This amendment was written by old men wearing gray wigs with wooden teeth when muskets averaged a 20 second delay between shots. The man who carried out the Pulse massacre went into a store and legally purchased what is called an assault rifle (the name enough should tell you why it shouldn't be legal). I fail to understand why assault is illegal, but assault rifles are. But again, I feel labeling this act as just a mass-shooting takes away from the gravity of what really occurred here.

Finally, there is a group in America that wants to call this a terrorist attack. Terrorism is a subjective term typically defined by matter of perspective. What we refer to as the war in the middle east is actually perceived as an act of terrorism by the people we are attacking every day. To give an example, did you know that 150,000 Iraqi civilians have been killed since the invasion by the United States? Did you know that US soldiers treated their bullets with depleted uranium to cause radiation poisoning to the people they shot at? Is that not a war crime? Is that not terrorism? Moreover, of course the killings in Orlando are an act of terrorism. No one should dispute that. The problem is that terrorism has come to be associated with only one group: Muslims.

I see people, otherwise intelligent rational people, talking about how Islam is a scourge on the face of the earth. How their prophet Muhammad was a warlord who kept sex slaves. That the Islamic belief system is inherently flawed and violent. If we are really fighting a war on terror, then why all the talk about Islam? Is this a war on terror or the next crusade? All of this Islamophobia running rampant in America again clouds our eyes to the real common ground between all mass killings – evil.

Evil is defined as that which is both immoral and malevolent. I know that there can be no dispute to the evil of mass-murder. Why then do we justify these same evils in our own culture while baring down on “radical Islam” with all the weight of holy hell? We talk about how we are waging war against evil itself, or a war against terrorism, but really we are waging war against the people we see committing these evil acts. The war on terror is actually a war against terrorists. You cannot ever successfully wage war against an idea. We turn our brothers into our enemies for their transgressions, but in doing so we only feed into the cycle created by the myth of redemptive violence.

Jesus teaches to love your enemies, but ironically, it's his followers we see being the loudest on the front lines of the campaign against Islam. That teaching though, to love your enemies, that is the way out of the trap created by the cycle of violence.

When something violent happens to us, the typical response is to either return fire even harder, or to sit and stew in a form of not-so-passive-agression. Both of these responses actually just feed into the cycle and, in a sense, keep the violence in circulation. Jesus presents a third option – to rise above the violence, and respond with love.

The most important aspect of this teaching, in my opinion, is that Jesus does not tell us not to respond, or to pretend like nothing happened. The point is not to be dismissive or accepting of violence, or to be passive towards it. The point is to knowingly and willfully respond with intentional love at the time it is needed most. In order to respond at all, we must acknowledge and name what happened. The events in Orlando were horrific, hellish, and absolutely evil. This shooting stands against everything I want for the society I live in. But, I will not respond with more violence or more hatred. This isn't just about prejudice or guns or Islam or terrorism or even about one man and 50 victims. The real battle is between love and hate, fear, evil, and a society that all too easily responds to injustice with indifference. The good news is that love always wins, and the light always illuminates the darkness.

  I don't pretend to have all the answers to the big questions. How do we respond to Orlando? That is up to each of us. I know that tonight I will cherish the blessings in my life a little more. I know that next time I hear someone making a joke about our neighbors in the LGBTQ community, I will not be afraid to speak up. I know that I will do anything in my ability to illegalize the sale of assault weapons. I will remember in my day to day happenings that there is always the option and opportunity to transcend violence and end the cycle. And, most importantly, I know that I will never stop believing that love conquers all.

Thoughts on the Resurrection and the Return

Happy Resurrection Sunday!

On a day much like today 2000 years ago, the story goes that a small group of Jewish revolutionaries rolled back the stone on a fresh grave. What they found (or rather didn't find) was going to change the course of Judaic religion – change the course of history as a whole – and even change the way society views the disparity between those in power and those with nothing.

I am referring of course to the story of the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus. I want to tell a bit of the history of the Christ story and the symbol of the cross. I also want to leave anyone reading this with a question to think about throughout the day... so here goes.

At the time of Jesus the kingdom of Judea was in political and social turmoil. Judea had been conquered by the Roman empire and was being ruled from afar – subjected to taxes and foreign governance.

Some of the Jewish leaders of the time worked hand in hand with the Romans to tax and subjugate their own people. These were called the Sadducees. Others Jews called Pharisees debated minutia of Jewish law and history, seemingly ad infinitum. The situation we live in today is not too different. We watch politicians and religious leaders argue over the interpretations of the constitution, or whether or not homosexuality is a sin, while increasing amounts of people live in perpetual poverty with seemingly no way out. The top 1% of society continues dominate in terms of income, while the poor become poorer every passing day. This isn't happening in some distant country, this happens right now, here, in America.

There were whispers all throughout the Roman Empire – people whispering about how they would get out from Caesar's yoke of tyranny. A group called the Essenes dropped out of society altogether and formed communes in the desert. Another loose band known as the Sicarii (literally translated as “dagger-man”... how cool is that?) were political assassins, famed and feared for stabbing politicians and religious leaders in public forums.

The tension was coming from the fact that the Jewish people, a strong and faithful collection of tribes who had believed in one God and only worshipped Him, were being made to kneel before Caesar and worship the Emperor as if he were a god himself. In public they affirmed Kaiser kurios but in the privacy of their homes they knew that there had to be a better way.

Then came Jesus. He was a political revolutionary – a spiritual revolutionary – and a social revolutionary. He took this old Jewish idea of loving your neighbor as yourself and said “not only fellow Jews are our neighbors. The gentiles are also our neighbors. The sinners are also our neighbors. Our oppressors are also our neighbors.”

Jesus said we weren't just to love our neighbors, we were even to love our enemies – a stark contrast to the old idea that we must vanquish our enemies. The message of Jesus was good news and love for all. But most of all, with Jesus, came hope. The hope that one day the powerless would be made powerful. The hope that one day the weary would rest. The hope that one day the thirsty would be satisfied. The hope that one day the meek really would inherit the earth. Small pockets of people started to see that this son of a carpenter was really on to something – that especially in hard times like these, what the world really needed was love, not assassinations or violent uprisings. The people could see that Caesar's yoke was heavy, but that Jesus' yoke was light.

Slowly the whispers grew louder and they were all proclaiming the same idea – kurious Iesous – Jesus is Lord. When, ultimately, the empire caught wind of this, they did what they did to any dissident – Jesus was crucified. There was only room for one kurios in the empire, and it wasn't going to be Jesus if they had any say in the matter... But they soon found that they didn't.

When Jesus' disciples went to the tomb on the Sunday of the resurrection they found that it was empty. He had risen.

This resurrection is the archetypal underdog story. Just as Jesus lives on today, so does the message of hope he carried for all. Most importantly, the story of the cross marks the time in history that the power shifted away from the haves to the have-nots. From that day forward, this young Jewish man and the message he carried gave the world permission to believe that weakness is the new strength, that alienation is the new togetherness, and that love is infinitely more powerful than hate.

More and more these days we see the Christian message being subverted from the inside; unfortunately this has continued on to the point where, from the American perspective, it seems the norm. In American culture it is “normal” for Christians to be anti-welfare, anti-gun-control, and anti-abortion; it is normal to the point that if you cannot agree with the so-called “body of Christ” on these hot-button issues, you will be ostracized from the church. We spend so much time bickering amongst each other over whether or not our neighbors will be getting into heaven that we don't notice that earth is becoming increasingly hellish due to our own neglect.

Jesus spoke of the kingdom of heaven, not evacuation theology. Jesus did not talk about a place we would be teleported to in the clouds. He spoke of the age to come that would be right here on earth. He handed us tools and wood for building and told us that the work of transforming the world would not be easy – that we would be persecuted every step of the way – but that He would be with us every step of the way. He then gave us His life as an example, and His word as a blueprint. It is now our calling to keep that legacy alive by exemplifying His word in our actions.

In Jewish mysticism, sages and rabbis have long talked about how every generation has had a person born into it with the potential to be the messiah and usher in the messianic age. But that if the generation is not ready to accept that person as the messiah they will simply live and die like any other.

Now for the question I promised you at the beginning: what if Jesus were to be born on this earth again. What if the second coming was just like the first? What if it was so much like the first that Jesus was born... Jewish?

Worse yet to the stereotype of the American Christian, what if Jesus is here and alive right now, but he's gay? Muslim? Hindu? Or what if the second coming will be in the form of a woman?

Now, I'm not qualified to speak as to if any of this is possible. I don't pretend to be in tight with God or know what He wants or how He acts. But you have to admit that it's a zinger of a question right? Really flips the whole judgmental theology thing right on its head. What if the the Christ figure is right here, living with us right now, and we are choosing through our actions, to not accept the guidance and salvation of the living God?

-Connor S,

Things I Love About You

“Why do you love me?” Michelle asked.

The question felt loaded. I know she didn't intend for it to come across that way, but it did. I thought for a moment.

“Because.. you're... you.” I said, complete with dramatic pauses between each word.

“But, why do you love me?” She repeated. As if her new found emphasis would change my answer.

I slipped back into thought for a moment. How could I explain this one?

I don't want to tell someone that I'm planning on spending the rest of my adult life with that I love them because they're sweet and funny. I think that's just cheap. A paper-thin explanation for an idea far more elaborate and far more beautiful that I know how to put into words. 

This conversation I had with my girlfriend got me thinking. I found that there was a vast difference between love for someone, and things I love about that someone. This is a brief foray into that idea.

Why I love you, and the things I love about you are entirely separate.

My whole life, I've been told to think about love as unconditional. It's such an oft repeated phrase that I don't think many people give it much thought. “I love you, unconditionally” we say. But just what does it mean?

Unconditionally means without condition, or without stipulation, or perhaps the easiest way to say it is for no single reason and with no strings attached. I love you, just for being you. I love my girlfriend simply because she is herself. I love my mother just because she is herself.

This concept is so foreign to us because we have grown to accustomed to the concepts of exchange – supply and demand. I have this, and I am seeking that in return. I will pay $14,000 for this car because it is only slightly used, and because the stereo has Bluetooth built in. This concept imposed over relationships becomes ugly. I am willing to love her because she has blonde hair, and she does the dishes. Something about that just didn't sound right. It sounds like our love has become conditional.

So maybe that's a bit of an extreme example. Lets get into a few more every day examples of conditional love. How many of you have been talking to your friends just to have them ask “What does he/she do for you?” or “What do you really get out of that relationship?” And you know that they're not asking about something abstract. These friends don't want to hear that “She makes me feel happy when I wake up in the morning.” or, “When I look into her eyes, suddenly everything becomes okay.” These friends legitimately want to hear “Well.. he cooks dinner on Tuesdays, and he pays all the rent for me.” or “She folds all my laundry and cleans the house every Saturday morning.” Is that really love?

If we are to believe that we were created in the divine image, and our ultimate goal as part of creation is to walk with God and use the divine as our model. To be religious and to strive to be godly are really the same conceptually. Luckily for those of us confused about love, we have repeated examples of what God's love looks like in multiple religions across multiple cultures throughout the world and ages. Today I want to use one of the most recognizable:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 KJV.

Wow! How beautiful is that? I know many of us have heard it so many times that it's almost meaningless. To simply sum up my feelings and belief as to its meaning: This passage describes real love as being incorruptible, immutable, and insoluble. 

The part that stands out to me today is that love, is not self-seeking. True love seeks no gain on its behalf. True love is a selfless form of expression. In contrast, when we love someone conditionally, is this love not really just about ourselves? I know it is so, for me. When I start telling myself “I love her because she _________,” I know that my love starts to become less about her, and more about what she does for me. My love becomes selfish – of the flesh.

In the NOOMA series episode two, titled “Flame,” Rob Bell beautifully articulates the idea of love set in the Tanakh, specifically in the portion referred to as the Kethuvim, in the Book, Song of Songs. The Hebrew writer of the Song of Songs would have used several words for different aspects of love that we translate all interchangeably to “love.”

Raya describes partnership or beloved companionship. Akin to what we would describe in modern western colloquialism as a “soulmate.” It literally translates as a noun to beautiful woman or wife. Your raya is the object of your affection, the person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with.

Then there is dodh. The origins of this word are hotly contested but some possible roots from which it evolved include words for to boil, to rock, to caress, or even possibly an evolution from an old Hebrew word for breasts. It goes without saying that this dodh often contains an erotic element, but it is not always used in this fashion. In Arabic (a Semitic language) this same monosyllabic word would be used to refer to your paternal uncle. Dodh is also used to describe the caring nature with which a mother would rock her baby. Dodh always describes a physical, or nurturing expression of love.

The final word is ahava. This is a more profound expression of love. It is the kind of love that makes your heart ache or makes you act irrationally around someone. The key to understanding ahava is that the root words that make it up mean “I give.” It is selfless. Nothing is expected in return for ahava. It is the outpouring of compassion that closes the gap between the perceiver and the perceived or giver and the recipient.

Similarly, in Greek, the language of the New Testament, we have three words that are all interchangeably translated as “love.” First there is phileo. Phileo describes a love, a passion, a friendship, or an affection for someone. We see that Luke and Acts (both likely written by the same author) are addressed to a certain “Theophilus” which of course means “friend of God.” We also see this word in English in forms such as bibliophile (lover of books) or audiophile (a sound geek.)

Eros is the second Greek word for love. This is the root from which we derive the word erotic. Eros describes the physical attraction or desire. It describes how we want to touch each other and sweat together. Eros is also the name of the Greek god of attraction and love. His Roman equivalent was called Cupid.

Finally the Greek language gives us the unparalleled word, agape. This is the unconditional love of which, all other forms of love only partially partake. This word would describe God's perfect love. This is also the word that Paul the Apostle would have used in 1 Corinthians 13 which was quoted above.

So what's the point of all this? Why did I go off on this tangent?

I want to express that all the elements of love are necessary to form a lasting and meaningful bond between two lovers; that raya, and even all the dodh in the world won't be enough, if you don't have that special, ahava; similarly that phileos, and eros will only take you so far, without agape.

We see in both languages that the highest form of love is also the one that is completely selfless. In Song of Songs ahava is described as being “as strong as death.” That's right! As strong as a biological guarantee – ahava is as strong as death. Agape is similarly described as being infallible. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. These two forms of love are so ideal that I believe we may never be able to actually exemplify them in our lives and in our actions. I can only hope to strive to live up to these lofty goals.

There are no conditions attached to God's love for us. I believe God doesn't mind if you're Buddhist, Pagan, Christian, gay, addicted to drugs, or living in habitual and perpetual sin and separation from your source. The Divine attaches no strings to the unending love that pours out from it. God has no stipulations for his love. In Christian theology, God doesn't love us because of what we have done for Him; God loves us in spite of what we have done against Him. 1 Timothy 1:12-17 tells me that it is my shortcomings, not my perfection that qualifies me to be a recipient of God's grace. This is the most true description of love - the love which all others emulate. 

So, in using His perfect love and how I receive it as a model for how I would strive to love others, I have come to the conclusion that I love my girlfriend, simply because she is her. I love so many things about her. I love her hair, her beautiful blue eyes with little orange flecks. I love her compassion for all things and her devotion to her causes, but all of these are separate from why I love her. In this way, I assure that my love can always protect, can always trust, can always hope, and can always persevere.

When I live, loving the idea of a person, or the attributes of a person, I put that love at risk. My love is then conditional. If I love my girlfriend because she plays video games with me, then what will happen when we fall on hard times and we cannot pay the electric bill? If I love my girlfriend because she keeps the house clean then what will happen if she takes ill and becomes bedridden? My love must be bigger than conditions; bigger than attributes. I must strive for my love to reflect the One love from which everything springs. I must keep why I love you, completely separated from the things I love about you.

May you know that you are loved – that nothing you do or say or have done or have thought about doing could ever possibly take away that love. May you know that love of the Source always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. May you draw vitality, and well-being, and security from this love and the love of all those around you extending compassion and loving-kindness to you every day. May you love your neighbor as you love yourself – not because it is law but because it is good. May we come closer every day to closing the gap between the giver and the recipient, and see more with each breath that when we love and give selflessly to one, it is for the benefit of everyone.

-Connor S.